SAFETY SAFARI

Last week, I spoke at the New Zealand Early Childhood Council National Conference in Auckland.  In response to the conference theme of "Innovation & Courage in Early Childhood Education," my presentation was entitled "Born Risk Takers." Here's a bit of what I spoke about...

KIDS ARE BORN RISK TAKERS

We've touched on this before, but I believe it bears repeating. Kids are born risk takers, not because they don't know any better, but because they have to be. Some measure of physical, cognitive, emotional, and/or social risk is involved in learning anything new. And for little ones, pretty much everything is new.

So, if risk is necessary for learning, by default, so is courage. Yet in today's risk-averse culture, we're often not giving little ones the opportunity to practice courage in favor of keeping them "safe."  In my experience, there are many ways to accomplish these two, seemingly opposite objectives. Here's a great example...

ROUGH 'N TUMBLE PLAY

Some time ago I was working with a group of teachers who were struggling with the issue of overly aggressive roughhousing on the playground. But unlike others who have asked me how to stop it, this preschool asked a different question: "How can we make it safe for the kids to roughhouse?

Wow. Great question.

You see, rough 'n tumble or roughhousing is a great life lesson for all young boys and girls. It teaches children how to CONTROL their own aggression (not become more aggressive as many adults think), RESPECT others, and stay within the often unspoken boundaries of SOCIAL PROPRIETY. (If you're interested in the topic, I'd highly recommend The Art of Roughhousing by Dr. Anthony T. DeBenedet and Dr. Lawrence J. Cohen. 

But the issue remains. How do you make rough 'n tumble play safe (or at least, safer)? Note: nothing can 100% guarantee safety for each child in every situation. As I often say, all safety is "local." Only you know a child's temperament, maturity level, experience, and capabilities, so safety is ultimately your call. But there are some strategies that may help. Here's what we did....

THE ROUGH 'N TUMBLE MAT

First, the preschool invested in a new mat which we called the "Rough 'n Tumble Mat" to isolate the play.

The teachers introduced the idea to the children and started a dialogue with them about the benefits of having a dedicated place for rough 'n tumble. But this was more than just a safer place to play. It was a teachable moment. After all, keeping children safe and teaching children to think about safety are two very different things. So we decided the little ones might benefit from taking a Safety Safari.

SAFETY SAFARI

The teachers took the children on a field trip all around the preschool, stopping at different locations and encouraging them to decide whether or not it would be a safe place for their new Rough 'n Tumble Mat. For instance, "Would the Rough 'n Tumble Mat be safe if we put it by the stairs? Or by the tables? Or near the swings? What would happen if we put it here?"

At each stop, the children were given the chance to envision what might happen, anticipating and discussing the consequences of each potential location. In fact, this "think safety" strategy worked so well, the children wound up doing almost all of the surmising themselves and ultimately team problem-solving each location until they agreed the Rough 'n Tumble Mat belonged in an empty corner away from anything sharp.

Together, they all put the Rough 'n Tumble Mat in its new home. And then they took it a step further. All on their own, the little ones created their own rules of engagement. For instance, they decided that only two children should be allowed on the mat at a time. They talked about respecting each others' choices to play or not to play, and created a "trigger word" to signal when someone wanted to stop. The teachers encouraged them to talk about reasons why someone wouldn't want to play or might want to stop and soon enough, the children were able to empathize with what those feelings might be like.

Over time and with some practice, the Rough 'n Tumble Mat became a favorite place to play with fewer and fewer negative incidents. The play was still big and boisterous, yet somehow in setting their own boundaries for risk, and understanding a tiny bit more about the courage it takes to engage in rough 'n tumble play, the children's respect for each other seemed to solved many of the safety issues.

And one more thing. 

Getting children to think about safety will not only help them understand what to look out for, they may well think safety is THEIR idea. And like the rest of us, when it’s our idea, it’s bound to be a good one!

A SPECIAL NOTE OF THANKS to the organizers and participants of this year's ECC Conference. As always, you inspire me with your dedication to helping all children learn, grow, and thrive. See you next year!

TAKE A SAFETY SAFARI AT HOME

Kids learn best by doing, so invite your child into the safety assessment process by empowering him to think about it and talk about it in his own way.

Take a tour of your home together, and ask your child what he thinks is safe and unsafe for him to do in the various rooms of your home. Gently guide him to tell you what he sees as safe and unsafe, praising him for being able to anticipate safe areas for play and areas where certain types of play might not be a good idea.

Here are a few suggestions to get you started on your Safety Safari...

START WITH SPECIFICS. I wonder if playing chasing games would be a good idea in the kitchen? What do you think would happen if you ran on the floor when it was wet? Where would be a better place to play chasing games?

DRAW FROM YOUR CHILD'S OWN EXPERIENCE. Remember the time mommy dropped the cup and it broke into a lot of sharp pieces? The cup as made of glass. What else is made of glass? What would happen if someone bumped into that vase or ran into the window?

LET YOUR CHILD TAKE THE LEAD. You’re really good at doing somersaults. I wonder what might be a good place to do them? Where else could you do somersaults safely? Can you show me? Why would this be a safe place for somersaults? Why wouldn't this be a safe place for somersaults?

I'd love to hear about your Safety Safari! Be sure to drop us a line here or on Facebook to let us know what you discovered.

Enjoy!

MY LITTLE HERO: How Kids Learn Responsibility

Miniature toys such as dolls, action figures, toy vehicles, animals, dinosaurs, aliens, and the like are powerful tools in the hands of little ones. And for good reason. This kind of play shrinks the world down into manageable, kid-sized experiences for working out complex, emotional and social concepts. Like power...

POWER PLAY

If you think about it, when you’re little, it’s easy to conflate size with power. After all, grown-ups are big and seem to think they can tell children what to do. So when children play with miniatures they naturally take on the power role, trying on what it feels like to be big... to have the ultimate say...  to control events. And through that power, like Spiderman, children naturally learn how to take on responsibility.

You see, children aspire to the hero they see in us everyday – the one who responds to their needs – the responsible, reliable, "go to." And that desire to be like us is often reflected in this kind of play... feeding your baby doll, gassing up your Tonka truck, defeating the bad guys or kissing the frog to turn him into a prince. Even "smash and bash" play, such as an all out Hot Wheels demolition derby in the living room is about controlling events... smashing things up, putting it all back together, then smashing them up again!

In short, miniatures let children figure out how to make everything right with the world according to their own world view.

SEPARATING THE BOYS FROM THE GIRLS

Around the time children start exploring these play patterns you may begin to notice differences between what boys and girls choose to play with. And often, this seems to come out of no where. I’ve had many parents swear to me that they provide a balanced, non-gender selection of toys, don’t allow television or computer time, yet still their sons choose trucks and army guys, and their daughters choose dolls and tea sets.

There has always been a nature/nurture debate about whether or not these play choices are part of a child’s organic wiring or if it’s due to what they are assimilating from their environment. And I wish I could tell you I know the answer, but I don’t. Instead, here’s what I believe.

           

THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE...

In these early years, a child’s play choices have little – and maybe even nothing – to do with his/her gender and everything to do with what he/she needs to experiment with and solve for emotionally and socially. And because miniatures give all the power to the child, they are ideal for this kind of internal exploration of self. Any “meaning” ascribed to a child’s choice of doll or action figure, magic wand or light saber, princess carriage or Batmobile, is an adult filter that misses the point.

Take a moment to consider these iconic play themes and note the direct parallels between traditional boy and girl play...

So often, boys and girls play the exact same way... to tend to, fix, take care of, nourish, rescue, solve, defend and restore. In short, TO MAKE BETTER THE LIVES OF OTHERS.

And in my view, when children are reaching for these values this early in life, something really right is going on with their upbringing, no matter what they pick out of the toy box.

LEARNING OFF ENERGY

The other day, a proud, loving, enthusiastic mom told me, "I like to let my child run around and burn off energy."

Sigh.

You might be surprised to hear that this statement, well-intended though it may be, is a pet peeve of mine. In fact, I'm so peevish about it, I've decided to share a few thoughts on the matter.

To "burn off" means to "exhaust, deplete, waste, get rid of." And, of course, when it comes to little ones, that usually means getting those ants out of their pants. Now, in my line of work I certainly understand antsy kids, and appreciate any parent wise enough to spot the signals and let their kids loose. But it's the adult logic that bugs me...

Why do adults think of kids letting loose as wasting energy, when in fact, all that running around and general silliness is the most essential fuel of early childhood development?

I call this "Huff 'n Puff" play. Let's examine it a little more closely...

THE BENEFITS OF HUFF 'N PUFF

BODY FREEDOM. Moving his body with abandon is your child's chance to experience every inch of himself without order, structure, or limits. In so many ways, this is how he's getting to know himself.... physically and emotionally. And while it may look wildly silly or out of control to us, this self-exploration is actually helping him learn self-control...

LEARNING LIMITS. Running until you can't run any more is one of nature's clever ways of helping your child understand that there is such a thing as going too far. You see, if it feels good to your child, he's naturally going to want more of it, whether it's running at top speed, roughhousing with his brother, scarfing down more ice cream, or listening to that bedtime story for the 27th time. And while the grown-ups in his life are providing the important boundaries he needs, not until he experiences his own physical limitations... like running until he can't run anymore... will the idea of going too far become real, tangible, and concretely understood.

EMOTIONAL PRACTICE. Life doesn't happen at one speed, nor do emotions. Free play -- with as few restrictions as is safely possible -- gives children a place to practice their emotional range and push beyond what they've felt before. For instance, climbing on the monkeybars is usually an iterative process. Few kids race to the top on the first try. But over time, they will challenge themselves to climb up another level and see how it feels. When they do that, they are empowering themselves to decide what does and doesn't feel right to them... learning the boundaries of their own comfort zone.

THE POWER OF CONCENTRATION. This may surprise you, but in fact, movement is often the way the body assists the brain in getting and staying focused. For instance, think of the last time your preschooler drew a picture at the kitchen table. Chances are, he was moving parts (or all) of his body the whole time -- swinging his legs, standing up and leaning over the table, scratching his head, sticking his tongue out, kneeling on the chair... well, you get the picture.

Adults generally think sitting still is how we concentrate, when in fact, it's likely that kind of fidgeting is signaling your child's earnest effort to stay on task. These natural movements are triggered by the Reticular Activating System -- a sort of early warning system in the brain that sends signals to the body to start moving in order to “wake up” the cortex -- the thinking part of the brain.

In other words, movement helps us stop and think, especially when we're running at top speed...

MINDFULNESS. When a young child (or for that matter, anyone of any age), is fully engaged in physical activity the body and brain are harmonized. Endorphins start the party and before you know it, you've lost all track of what's past or what's next, content to be in the moment and with the movement. For little ones, I like to think of movement as their form of meditation. I call it "kiditation" -- that sense of "possibleness" young minds and fertile imaginations need to grasp, interpret and absorb all the new sights, sounds, sensations, experiences, and ideas they encounter each day.

So, the next time you see your child running, jumping, or just plain letting loose, try to see it the way nature does and say to yourself...

"I like to let him run around and LEARN off energy!"

Because, to me, that's energy we can't afford to burn.

As we noted, high energy, Huff 'n Puff play is a form of emotional "practice" which means it's also a form of emotional release. Try this game the next time you BOTH need to let off a little steam!

Young children often don't understand the power of their own voice. To help your child learn to control his own volume... to hear the difference between his "indoor" and "outdoor" voices, try a game of Yahoo!

YAHOO!

The object of the game is to be the loudest or the quietest. Have your child repeat Yahoo! after you, challenging him to be quieter or louder than you. Start softly and work your way up.

ROUND 1: WHISPERS. Huddle close and whisper Yahoo!

ROUND 2: INDOOR VOICE. Hold hands and say Yahoo! in your indoor voice.

ROUND 3:  OUTDOOR VOICE. High five and holler Yahoo! in your loudest outdoor voice! And don't forget to jump as high as you can when you holler! Be big. Be bold. Be silly!

Encourage your child follow your lead at first, then reverse roles and have him take the lead. And be sure to follow closely so he knows you're listening at any volume.

RECOMMENDED READING

For more information and tons of great ideas for high-energy play, you're going to love The Art of Roughhousing, a short, fast, fun book full of shenanigans every kid should know!  http://theartofroughhousing.com/

STROLLER TIME! Making the Most of Your Walk

I walk every day in the local park near my house and I see a lot of moms out with young children in strollers and push chairs. It’s good exercise for moms and gives children lots of fresh air and a nice change of scenery. In fact, a nice long walk is a great idea for both of you, but it can also be a missed opportunity, not only for your child, but for you too. Here’s what I mean...

FRONT ROW SEAT

Many strollers and push chairs are designed to position the child facing outwards. It seems like a good idea on the surface because it gives your child a front row seat to the world (or at least the park). And for certain, I would never argue with giving children new and exciting things to look at each day. That’s great visual stimulation in and of itself.

However, beyond that, I’m not sure what else a very young child actually gets out of his “front row seat.” You see, infants don’t know what they’re looking at and without the comforting sounds of someone familiar (you) “narrating” the scene, chances are, it’s nothing more than a silent movie with no sub-titles -- images fly by, but the story is hard to follow.

TALK THE WALK!

In order to make the most of your daily walk for your child, I recommend putting yourself into the role of your baby’s tour guide. Each day, talk about whatever you see... the warm sunshine, the tall trees, the beautiful flowers, and the white fences that line the pathways. These may be old news to you, and it might even feel a little silly, but to your child this is a wonderland of fascinating, fabled proportions!

Then stop and take him out of the chair. Let him touch the flowers or the tree bark. Sit or lay him on the grass and let him feel the dew on his skin. And talk about it all. Repeat the words as he sees, hears, touches, and smells the world around him. While your words may just be sounds to him at first, eventually they will start to make sense. For you see, your words are the very foundation for helping him find his own someday.

FACE TIME

And remember. No matter how beautiful the scenery, you are his favorite thing to look at. So be sure to spend as much "face time" as you can.

           

Not only will this give him a terrific, word-filled, multi-sensory experience, it gives both of you a chance to spend some time in the sunshine... face to face!